Friday
by radishface
Summary: [Clover] Gingetsu's retiring. *part 6: A (as in Ran's brother) thinks about the one he's lost.*
1. 12:00AM

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Friday

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Disclaimers: 'Clover' belongs to CLAMP.

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Warnings and rants: Somewhat of a Gingetsu x Ran fic (more shounen-ai than yaoi, actually), this is really really screwed up... because... this is my first Clover fic. Not my first fic EVER, but my first Clover fic. o_o How do people write Clover fics? Is there a certain style? Format? .... ::is confused:: R&R is appreciated! ^__^ ehehehe... 

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Summary: A dabble in the day of the lives of the people in a manga of CLAMP's called Clover. ||¬_¬ did that make any sense at all? Takes place after books 1&2. This is my spec of the day Gingetsu finally saved up enough money for his 'retirement...' and ... retires. 

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Radishface

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[ 12:00 AM ]

Ran was still up then. Wandering around, doing something out there, maybe making tea, perhaps he was watching over the bird. 

Gingetsu sat at his desk, staring blankly at the computer screen, knowing what he was supposed to write about but not knowing. He needed to write a clearance form for some deputy's actions so he wouldn't have to be sent to court. 

He could hear the soft sounds of Ran's slippers moving across the tiles in the kitchen, and lost it as the hum of the computer suddenly surged, and then it went into sleep mode. He had ignored it for much too long. Fifteen minutes was the time, wasn't it? Fifteen minutes until the screen turned black.

It seemed so. He'd been sitting there, hands poised above the keyboard, face expressionless, like that for about fifteen minutes. 

Tomorrow. 

Now was tomorrow, he thought, as right now was tomorrow. It was midnight. But in a few more hours, he'd get there, he'd get there, to the Parliament, and then--

He'd be free, maybe. Maybe he'd never have to worry about it again. Going back there, feeling the starch of the collar against his neck, the heaviness of the coat and the buckles and the medals and ribbons which were all going to be thrown away. 

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What are you saving your money for?

He pressed on a key, any random key, and the screen blinked back to life, and the humming of the computer recommenced, loud as ever. It seemed to fill the room, and he wished he could play music, play _her _music, blast it out for the entire world to hear. 

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In your arms

But it was still tomorrow. He wouldn't be able to sleep. Just think. Tomorrow, tomorrow. 

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I will be reborn

It was almost five years.

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	2. 1:00AM

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Friday

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Disclaimers: Clover belongs to CLAMP.

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Warnings and rants: This is a conversation between Kazuhiko and Gingetsu. See if you can spot the teeny hints of Gingetsu/Ran I put in there. It's all very subtle for now.

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Radishface

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[ 1:00 AM ]

"You need to sign out from the MREI." The voice said quietly through his earphone. "Did you get clearance for that?"

"Yes."

"And the Parliament is notified of your actions."

"They had been quite some time ago."

"You've mentioned this for a long time now?"

"Yes."

"They still might change their minds. They have the power to do that, you know."

"They could."

"You know, it's the least they could do, just let you go. If all else fails, you can resign."

"I don't think that will be necessary."

"Yeah, and you don't get the benefits if you resign."

"You don't."

"But really, why are you retiring so early?"

"No reason."

"I won't ask. But then again, I've been asking for about a year, ever since you told me you were saving the money up. And I thought you _liked _your job."

"I could have liked it."

"You _could have?_ Don't try to confuse me. You know you already do."

"There's nothing to be confused about."

"And _you _have already exceeded your three word limit. You must have had one too many cups of coffee."

"Tea."

"Tea. That boy of yours makes tea by the gallon. How many buckets do you drink a day?"

"Not as many as you think."

"He's still a kid."

"Run that by me again."

"...Although he's gotten older."

"You think that."

"He just seems to have gotten older in the few years. It's really amazing. Have you been feeding him growth pills? You know nobody will care if he's underage."

"And exactly what are you insinuating?"

"Nothing."

A huff of what could be called laughter, but wasn't, really.

"So... you're really going to pull the plug."

"Excuse me?"

"Pull the plug."

"Oh."

"You dirty old man." Laughter, even so late at night, early in the morning. "I don't want to know you."

"You wouldn't."

"Hey."

Silence.

"So... are you happy about it?"

"Happy about what?"

"You know. Retirement."

"Retirement."

"That thing we've been talking about? The thing that's _obviously _been on your mind for quite some time now? You haven't forgotten about it, have you, already? I knew you loved your work too much."

"It's not that."

"No?"

"There are more important things."

"I _see._"

Maybe he really did see.

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	3. 2:00AM

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Friday

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Disclaimers: 'Clover' belongs to CLAMP.

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Summary: Ran and Gingetsu at two in the morning. 

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Radishface

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[ 2:00 AM ]

"You're still awake?" Ran asked, peering up at the figure through dark bangs. "I'd think you'd have gone to sleep by now."

"I couldn't." He sat down, chains, medals, military honorables hanging off his coat like dog collars. There was but one light on, and a tray of tea on the coffee table, the silver handle of the teapot gleaming a bit, the cup empty. A headset lay next to the tray, music still slightly audible from where they were sitting.

"I suppose that this brand tea has too much caffeine in it." Ran bit his lip apologetically, raising an eyebrow at the lone tray before them. "But it's never really made a difference before."

"It hasn't."

"I suppose you could pick up some breakfast tea next time?" Ran stood up and picked the tray up by the gold-lined handles, balancing the weight carefully. "We're almost out. And some cream for the coffee, too. Kazuhiko likes it that way, and you never know when he's liable to stop by."

"I'll do that." He said, watching Ran's form disappear into the kitchen. He turned his eyes to rest on the light by the side of the couch, mentally willing it to switch off. Nothing happened. 

Ran returned with two cups and two saucers and one teapot now, slippers barely making a sound across the tiled floor. Setting it on the coffee table, he sat down next to Gingetsu and peered into his face intently.

"I made two." He said hesitantly. "I could carry it back into your room, if you'd like... if you have more paperwork to do."

"No." 

It was quiet in the room, pleasantly quiet, and Ran stared out the window on the opposite side of the room, at the lights that were still blinking on and off downtown, and at the lights that never went off, and a faint wistful expression came onto his face, not manifesting fully. Gingetsu felt the remains of something break inside him and he looked at his hands, at his wrist. 

A hand rested on his shoulder, and he looked back up into blue eyes, eyebrows just barely raised.

"You could take this off, you know." An faint smile appeared on Ran's face as he tugged gently at the lapels of his coat. "It must be uncomfortable."

"It might be." He said, suddenly not knowing what else to say, throat strangely dry. 

"Why don't you let me help you?"

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	4. 3:00AM

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Friday 

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Summary: The five people on the Parliament debate the Clover issue and the subject of Gingetsu's retirement and what it means to them. Pretty boring stuff. 

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Radishface

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[ 3:00 AM ]

"You're letting him go?" Hands hidden behind sleeves of white, wires floating within their line of vision, some seeing the world through eyeglasses, some through synthetic eyes, some with none, but all with bias. The wires were seemingly disconnected, but all connected, all the same. 

"We promised him." An old, worn, voice said, one that had seen much but registered little. "There's nothing we can do for him anymore. Most of the Clovers are contained and content where they are. They don't know anything else."

"We can still veto it." Another voice said, brash and harsh, an almost metallic edge to it. "If we do, there's no one to stop us. He's been of great value."

"There are others." A woman's voice rang through the emptiness. "There will be others."

"Not Clovers." A monotone stated. "There will be psychics and sorcerers such as us, but none will be as powerful as the Clovers."

"And what have we done with them?" The woman's voice said, almost as if speaking to children. "We've given them paperwork and mundane security jobs. We have not dared to use their powers because we are afraid of the consequences. The entire Clover project was a risk, and we have wasted it. How can you say he has been of great value to us?" 

"We have waited out our time. It is time to put the remaining Clovers to some use."

"The world is at peace right now. There is nothing to battle against save for fighting against terrorists."

"They have been subdued."

"It is only a matter of time until they rise up again. We should keep them in reserve."

"Is that all they are? Bred to be machines?"

"We have not tested them yet. That is because we are afraid of what might happen. So then we are cowards, are we not? We sit, we think, but we do not put into being."

"We took the first step to construct them, to breed them, to purify them."

"We have not used them. We took the necessary tasks to create one of each kind, to subdue one of each kind. The only problem lay within the Three-Leaves. There were too many of them."

"The remaining ones are contained. They are safe."

"The One-Leaf Clover was shot by our assassin. The Two-Leaf Clover lives for no purpose. The Three-Leaf Clovers lie dormant in their cages, one watched over, the other free with reason, at our own risk. The Four-Leaf Clover took her own life by her own choice. The remaining ones are the Two-Leaf Clover and the Three-Leaf Clovers. What use can they be?"

"The Two-Leaf is only as powerful as two of us combined, when he chooses to be. The other Three-Leaf Clover is unstable. The other Three-Leaf Clover is too restrained."

"We have failed in breeding their personalities."

"Ah, but they are human, after all. That's the trouble."

"We will let him go."

"Yes."

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	5. 4:00AM

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Friday

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Disclaimers: 'Clover' belongs to CLAMP.

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Summary: Kazuhiko contemplates. Gingetsu-Ran stuff coming on it's way in the next chapter. 

Radishface

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[ 4:00 AM ]

Kazuhiko stared blankly at his bedroom ceiling. It had only been so long since he had last talked to Gingetsu. 

His own search for Ora had failed miserably. She had been killed, she had died, he had loved her. It was all just a sad romantic drama, in the end. After this time, though, he was beginning to forget, beginning to let it by him, beginning to let the memories slide, so it wouldn't hurt as much.

And it didn't. Not as much as it did before, anyway. 

Now Gingetsu was going to leave, going to leave his own sense of security. It seemed the job was made for him, the insignificant, small job, a simple commander, a simple lieutenant, whose reign in battle never lasted very long, whose work consisted of signing papers he didn't agree with, how to devise backup strategies never put into action, how to figure out enemy positions that never existed. 

It was a lie, the whole battle against nonentities, the whole war against the world. It was fitting.

Happiness, Sue had said. Clovers could find their happiness in the end, and anybody could. You just had to look in the right place. 

And had she found it? He supposed she had. Happiness in death, in nonexistence, nonbeing. You wouldn't know anything anymore if you were dead. You would be aware of the things going around you. You were oblivious, ignorant. And perhaps that was the best that life could offer. And happiness was fleeting in it's security, in it's ethereal moments grasped here. Was it worth it? 

Gingetsu was leaving _his_ security, _his_ life, the only life he could have know. And what for?

Kazuhiko smiled wryly, and then turned over in his bed. He had a feeling his former commander could be like _that._

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	6. 5:00AM

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Friday

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Disclaimers: 'Clover' belongs to CLAMP.

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Summary: Gingetsu and Ran wake up. ::wiggles eyebrows:: Ran's infamous brother A will get an introspective next. 

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Radishface

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[ 5:00 AM ]

Grey eyes focused and unfocused on the bland white ceiling, taking in the pattern of the little bumps that were there, the uneven spots where the paint wasn't spread as well as it should be. Ran smiled. You would have thought that a person like Gingetsu would have been furious if the paint wasn't done right on his ceiling, and yet there it was, imperfect. 

Like them, maybe. 

He looked at his wrist, where there was no mark, and thought of Gingetsu's own Two-Leaf Clover branded there, imprinted there, right where the veins were thickest, right where if you cut it correctly, you could bleed to death, uncertain death, happy death. 

Shutting his eyes so that the colors danced before him, Ran tried to dismiss the thought. Death, after all, was only happy for those who couldn't find happiness in anything else. For the moment, it didn't include him, but eventually, it would come, an unwelcome visitor paying a first, last house call. 

Hands around his waist gripped a little tighter, and Ran's eyes widened, surprised. 

"Don't think like that." 

He was surprised, and yet he wasn't. Gingetsu was a Two-Leaf Clover, after all. He couldn't read minds like higher levels could, but he could sense feelings, emotions. Ora, even being a One-Leaf, could have probably felt little things like that, too, if someone was happy, or unhappy, or thinking of something else.

Smiling a little, Ran turned around so that his face was buried in the crook of Gingetsu's shoulder, and sighed, content. Gingetsu's fingers wove through his hair, soothing, a gentle tugging motion, and Ran found himself tracing random circles on the back of Gingetsu's neck, and thought to himself,

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if only we could just stay like this, without worrying, without responsibilities, without inhibitions, warnings, commands, if only we could just stay like this, here, now, and live, somehow, live 

forever.

Ran blinked, uncertain of the thought, and before Gingetsu could admonish him again, sense his thoughts again, he sat up. The commander looked up at him, lips not smiling, but yes, his eyes were soft, not hidden behind his visors. And Ran found himself staring back, a sudden pang of something where his heart was, and he imagined tears, he imagined himself crying, and thought, no, I don't want to do that again. 

A ray of light poured in through the window, barely there, and Ran leaned in to Gingetsu, their noses barely touching. 

"We need a shower."

Gingetsu's raised an amused eyebrow. "We?"

"We were too tired last night."

"Ah."

"You don't remember?" 

"No."

"Why?" Ran's laugh was just a little one, a huff that hovered above his lips. 

"I was too busy thinking."

"About?"

"Someone."

Gingetsu didn't say anything after that, and neither of them looked away.

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	7. 6:00AM

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Friday 

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Disclaimers: Clover belongs to CLAMP.

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Summary: A (the name, not the article) thinks about his brother. 

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Radishface

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[ 6:00 AM ]

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I am watching you, he thought, as his eyes opened and he awoke to the sight of a white ceiling and metal railings. 

Watching the way you watch people do the things that they do

He rose up from his bed and walked over to his window. It wasn't a window, really, but a hologram. He only wanted to see what the world outside looked like, even though he didn't care. 

They thought he couldn't do it-- couldn't break past the electronic security measures the put around the Cage, couldn't reach out and extend his train of thought to the world beyond him. But he didn't meddle, he didn't interfere with the lives of others-- he promised himself, only to look, to see, never to touch.

And he watched his brother grow older, taller, stronger, and into somebody he didn't know anymore.

Those broad shoulders, the long legs, the cropped hair, and the eyes that spoke of wisdom and experience-- something he didn't know, would never know.

He had become something that A couldn't keep up with, no matter how hard he wanted to. And A desperately wanted to know what his brother was feeling, the only brother he had left, the only brother, connection he had, and even that was too far away to scale, now. He didn't understand the way he worked. Wasn't his brother just as confined, as caged, as trapped, as he was? And yet, why was he so happy?

It was because he had a companion, someone else who was a Clover, who could share things with him and understand him on a level that only A could match.

And it wasn't just that, either.

His monster of a brother couldn't sense it when he was tapping into his head. He didn't acknowledge the fact, he didn't know. Maybe it was because he was distracted by other things. Yes, A had to swim through murky, clear depths of waterfalls of thought and myriads of images before he could find what he was looking for, whatever it was. 

Sometimes, he woke up at night with tears on his face, not knowing why, only knowing that he was dreaming again, cynical dreams, lonely ones, where he pretended he didn't care, but he did. And he wanted a warm body next to his, a hand to hold, or a sleeping face to look at, but there was none.

So instead, he extended his mind to look for that light in the emptiness, the summit in the valleys. He would be hurled through that void, a million faces blurred as he struggled not to look, not to touch. And he'd reach his destination, and be confronted with a melancholy, patient ache during the daytime as his brother waited, and at night, sometimes--

sometimes--

A squeezed his eyes shut. He would see things he didn't want to see, knew he shouldn't see. The two bodies were pressed together too close, too near each other, they touched, they grasped, they held, and within the confusing motion of the picture, his brother's eyes would be closed, a look of pain, happiness, etched across his features, and that Two-Leaf would be there with him, a fierce protectiveness, a longing wish, and

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love

He opened his eyes, and an invisible tear slipped free. 

The most frustrating thing about it was that the Two-Leaf was willing to let his brother go, the one thing he couldn't do, no matter how much he told himself it wasn't for his _own_ happiness, it was for _C's._

And then that Two-Leaf would appear in his head and contradict, in a casual voice,

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His name is Ran.

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End file.
